I was at work today and noticed an email slip into my in-box from a company I had recently purchased a couple items from. The email stated that my items were being shipped and should expect them to arrive in about a week. While this is normal these days (I find automatic emails to be very informative and helpful) what I found strange was that the items being shipped to me were for things I had already received from them a week or so ago. I figured there had to be a mistake and phoned the company immediately. Anyone who has had something falsely charged to their account (as I have had a couple times) would know exactly what I was thinking at the time.

Apparently the truck my package supposedly shipped in was in an accident and the package destroyed so they were sending a replacement even though I had gotten it and signed for it.

This prompted me with a decision to make; take the 'free' products (worth about 50 USD) since they assumed it was lost and I never got it or inform them I had received it and reject the package. I first thought the former but settled on the latter, being the huge believer in karma that I am, and remembering the part in the Quran about conducting fair business.

After the fact I wondered if I had done the right thing, seeing that I could have had 'free' merchandise. Just then I realized exactly what it was I was thinking and at that moment I came to a question...exactly at what point in human history did we start to second guess honesty? Just when was the tipping point when we went from being a reputable society to a band of thieves trying to claim all we can? Does it go back to Cain and Abel or perhaps Adam himself when he defied God's simple orders and ate from the forbidden tree?

If you see where I am going with this you can start to guess from where I get my rather bleak outlook on humanity. From our very creation we proved to be completely unworthy of our existence, how depressing. No wonder we rot on this earth and no wonder we destroy our very surroundings.

I suppose perhaps my outlook on life would be brighter if only I had a better outlook on my own life...but things are the way they are for a reason I suppose.

Oh well, its not like anyone reads these damn things anyway...I know I don't.

I was recently introduced with an interesting question: Does believing you are the last sane man on earth make you insane?

I say this because it almost seems as though I am the only one (or maybe one of the few) people who actually realizes the world has gone beyond insanity. Let me explain

I live in the States...and therefore seen it go from a country of freedom to the outline of the next fascist state. I am a Muslim, and so I have seen others pervert the religion beyond any believer's worst nightmare...and now I experience the everyday idiocy of a world that really believes Islam involves blowing yourself up along with everything that moves. I love nature and the wilderness and believe that God has given us everything we ever needed to live well right in the earth and its plants and creatures. So it should not surprise anyone that I would be angry when faced with what humans have done with this earth. In fact: in grade 3 when I first learned about the Tropical Rain Forests I was in awe...and then to learn about their destruction I was devastated. I cried in class as I tried to understand who would do such a thing to the beautiful landscape. To see the barren land, even now, brings tears to my eyes.

So amongst the corporate corruption, endless wars waged for nothing but profits, the destruction of our natural homeland, and slaughter of our God given freedoms you would think the crowds of people would swell up and correct these horrendous things. Yet that does not happen...in fact no one seems to notice...no one seems to care....

When making people aware of these things they think I am an alarmist, a radical, a ridiculous idiot, and a fool to care and think about such things.....they scoff at me and mock me and therefore frustrate me with their ignorance.

It frustrates me that no one notices what is happening in the world around them...and those who do notice do nothing....its like they don't even care. And what good can come of these things? Or do they think their greedy plans will avail them?

Or does the fact that this seems to bother only me make ME insane and not the world?

In that case I wish to stay insane....it seems only right

one year ago on this date (July 10th) I was informed of possibly the worst news I had ever heard. After two years of knowing and loving my girl over a sadly long distance relationship her parents found out...and she had to end it. As I had always known, her parents acted without questioning, without understanding, and without knowing.....and judged myself completely out of an image they had created in their own mind. I was defenseless against this new threat to my peacefully happiness. My love, sworn by an oath, could no longer have any contact leaving me alone once more. Perhaps she never knew the peace she brought me....perhaps she just simply couldn't understand the joy I saw in a future with her....for when I mourned her loss I was viewed as weak...no longer able to be the strong person I once was. Maybe she just never knew the care I felt for her was an emotion I've never felt before...the strongest I could ever feel...the most I could ever care. For a person to have the one they cared about above all other people disappear as though they were dead....it is most devastating indeed.

I wonder how much a year can change a person. I look to myself and think one can change quite a lot. For good, for bad, or for neither.... the doubt this creates is staggering.

For me there is no doubt of one thing...and that is the love I have for her...I still remember her everyday...say her name on impulse of pure thought. She is everywhere I look.....but still I cannot find her. I hear her voice while there is no sound. I see her in the crowd while she is not there. The thought of her saturates my brain.

So sweetheart, if you read this know that I haven't forgotten...you haven't been betrayed...and that I am waiting for any sign from you. I simply hope you feel the same. <3

I like this quote:
"Everyone talks of changing the world, but no one talks of changing themselves"


It's sometimes easier to try to change the world than ourselves since we, as humans, are incredibly stubborn O_O

Yet this is my quest, to better myself: Mind, body, and soul. Fortunately I have come across some excellent books on natural cures. Turns out companies put lots of chemicals in our food and water and therefore theres tons of junk in our bodies that theres not suppose to be screwing it up really bad.... which explains why I always feel horrible even when nothing is wrong....

Its a good thing theres herbs and minerals to get rid of it
Sure it costs a good deal of money to get them but at what price wouldnt you suffer if it could take away so much of your illness?

Well...its not like anyone reads my page....(seriously)....but I will let everyone know how my purification has gone....which should take about 3-4 months and get rid of all harmful toxins, bacteria, waste, and replenish the good stuff in me

Bye for now!

So I moved into my new place a week ago and right now I'm very much enjoying the absolute freedom that comes with being completely on my own. It seemed like it took such a long time to get here.

Eat what I want, go where I want, do what I want, pray when I want and where I want.......its very refreshing!
As my little sister said it....I can breathe without being yelled at!

I love the new job, new apartment, new city......I graduate in about two weeks from 2 degrees Ive been working hard to get for the past 3 years.....its all starting to come together.

Except one thing

I still miss my girlfriend....being away from her has made me very sad indeed. I just pray that our lives bring us back together because she is the missing piece of the puzzle to my life. The part that is not there.....that would make everything else whole. I love you sweetheart <3.